you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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