omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
