Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
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he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
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Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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