i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
