I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
