it wasn't lemon gatorade
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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