I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
