someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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