literally had 100 drinks last night.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
