i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I looked at my own cervix.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
