i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
