i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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