I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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