i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
