Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
