why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
