If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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