Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
