Umm I'm too high to move.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my shit smells like andre
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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