During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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