booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
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Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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