My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
