I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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