I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
