i don't like sucking hair
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
