Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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