I just cut my nipple shaving
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
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I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize