It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
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I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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