I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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