my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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