This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
