gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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