He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
