Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
