Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
