They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
