Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
