when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Let's paint friendship bongs
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
