Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize