you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
