Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize