i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
