Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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