She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i love accidental penises.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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