I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
