just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
