Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
