Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize