you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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