Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
