i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
