That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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