i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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