Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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