Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize