i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
