Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
