Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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