guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
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I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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