She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
