they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
