Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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