you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
