oh god the rape fog is back!
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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