got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
