We're facebook friends in real life
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
