Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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