We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
